Jack's List 1: The Tourist Office
by pippychick
Summary: Jack and Ianto decide to have a little bit of fun behind the desk in the tourist office. Cue actual tourists. In retrospect for Jack, there are times when you should just press the red button as instructed.


**Author:** Pippychick  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** M  
**Pairing(s):** Jack/Ianto  
**Summary:** Jack and Ianto decide to have a little bit of fun behind the desk in the tourist office. Cue actual tourists. In retrospect for Jack, there are times when you should just press the red button as instructed.  
**Disclaimer:** Jack and Ianto belong to the BBC and all the wonderful people who had a hand bringing them to life. I make no money from this. John Barrowman doesn't belong to me either, unfortunately. The old woman and her friend Elsie (including teeth) are mine.

**Author's Note:**

This here is just a little bit of fun I decided to have with my day off. I hope you all enjoy it. Set before To The Last Man.

If popular, this may become a series based on Jack's List from my other story: Dinner, and a Movie.

Rated M for sexual content and slight language. You have been warned.

**The Tourist Office**

It sounded like rummaging. But a papery rummaging. Kind of... exciting in a mysterious officey way. Jack let out a deliberate breath through very lightly pursed lips as he walked out of the Hub and into the Tourist Office. The entrance closed behind him, and Ianto was nowhere to be seen. Then that noise came to him again from behind the counter. Jack took a couple of steps and a sly peek. Ianto was crouched behind the enquiry desk, filling the hidden inner shelves with brochures and leaflets, occasionally moving piles of paper around.

Jack smiled slightly as he crept up on Ianto. There were lots of leaflets for him to sort out. Some of them were still in boxes on the desk, and Jack leaned over to take a closer look at one of them, not realising that his coat had just billowed around Ianto where he crouched on the floor. There was a sharp vibration through the wood of the desk and a muffled "Ouch!" before Jack moved back a step, giving Ianto some room. He had twisted himself around and was rubbing his head with a frown as he looked up.

Jack looked back at the leaflet in his hand. It was advertising some kind of local attraction, Castell Coch. "Do you mind moving?" a voice coming from somewhere just above his knees asked. That was because he had Ianto trapped between him and the desk. The only way out for Ianto would be to crawl between his legs, and Jack was guessing that Ianto would rather wait until he moved.

"No. That's all right," Jack said, distracted, not moving an inch Something was occurring to him; namely that Ianto was much more than he seemed. Suddenly he looked down. "Do you really run a Tourist Office from here?" he asked in amazement.

"Yes," Ianto said after a slight pause, as if it was a stupid question. "I have opening hours." Ianto waited, and Jack was almost put off his concerns by his own dirty thoughts regarding Ianto's claim of opening hours, and by the sheer dynamic of it. Ianto was just at the right level to... Jack cleared his throat. Ianto folded his arms. "Any time you do want to move, Sir." Yeah. Jack had no intention of doing any such thing.

"But what about the Hub?" Jack burst out. "When people come in here, and any of us could walk out at any moment..." He shook his head, actually speechless. He would never have put Ianto Jones down as being stupid. Misguided once, possibly. Fingertips suddenly touched on the back of his knees, and Jack responded by immediately leaning forward against the desk, which was clearly the opposite of what Ianto intended if the resultant eloquence (otherwise known as swearing) was anything to go by.

He eased back, and Ianto came as close to glaring as possible. "Not that it matters, but I have a button," he confessed, somewhat too uncomfortable with admitting to it.

"What kind of button?" Jack queried with a sudden smirk, intrigued as to what could make Ianto look like that, and whether it was something he could own or play with.

"On the top there," Ianto said hesitantly, jerking his head to the right side of the counter. A red button sat innocently on the desk. Funny how no one ever noticed red buttons. Had it been blue, Jack would have wondered what it was ages ago.

"What does it do?"

"Well," Ianto said, looking down and licking his lips a little. He also seemed to have accepted the idea of a less immediate escape because he was now on his knees, sitting back on his heels. "It locks the door, Sir."

Jack ignored the clear invitation for the moment and glanced briefly at the yale lock on the outside door. "So if they see us coming out of the Hub, you'll just keep them here?" He grew even more puzzled. "Then what? Retcon? On tourists?" Jack thought about that for a second. "Mind you, they'll never come back."

"Not that door, Sir." It took a moment for the meaning to become clear.

"You've been locking us in?!" Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Ianto somehow managed to look even more guilty, and he was already on his knees. If he wasn't careful, Jack would start to think it was a good look on him. "Not all the time. And, usually I'll take you a coffee downstairs first."

"Oh!" Jack exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "Well, that makes it all better! What if there was an emergency?"

"Then I'd know where you were," Ianto said simply. He sighed. "Really, it isn't as if you can't escape." There was a little resentment and double-meaning in his tone. Jack smiled dangerously and moved ever so slightly closer. Ianto had nowhere to go.

"Isn't it?" he asked, deciding to drop being the boss for a while. If Ianto was going to stay on his knees, having words about appropriate behaviour could really wait until later. Besides, he was sure this had been on his list.

Ianto appeared to get the idea, because he gazed up at Jack and there was that twinkle in his eyes. "Want to try out the button?" he asked. Jack grinned. His finger hovered over the button, but he didn't press it. Ianto couldn't see what he was doing... or what he _wasn't_ doing.

"Done," he said, breathing a little faster, really starting to enjoy it now.

Ianto put out a hand and rubbed his palm slowly over the front of Jack's pants. It was quickly followed by the other hand tickling at the back of his knee so that he swayed forward into the more intimate touch. Jack sighed. Suddenly Ianto had his arms around Jack's legs and his face pressed into the material of Jack's pants, inhaling. It was such a beautifully unplanned, uncontrived thing to do that Jack felt his body reacting all the more to it.

From the corner of his eye he saw the leaflet he had been holding float gently to the floor as he rested a hand in Ianto's hair. Then Ianto moved his head. He rubbed his face against Jack, and the Captain closed his eyes. He could feel the hard little point of Ianto's nose just there, the soft curve of his lips, the press of his chin. What else could he do? Jack moaned.

He helped when Ianto's hands began to undo the front of his pants, and by the time he was free, anticipation had made him hard already.

To put it mildly, Jack was not inexperienced. To put it bluntly, Jack was pretty much easy. He'd had lovers all of his long life. He liked intimacy and touch – even when it was casual. And no two experiences were ever the same. He was easy, but that made him less ignorant. Jack Harkness was definitely something of a connoisseur in sexual matters. And what all of this came down to was that he relished the idea of what was coming his way. He closed his eyes and savoured the feel of Ianto's hot breath on him. He was a sensualist who would live forever, and yet as he opened his eyes and looked down, to see it was Ianto who was kissing him there... Jack wondered how many centuries would pass before he'd manage to come close to even matching it.

He knew he was making nonsensical sounds as Ianto took him into his mouth. Knew that his lips were stretched back to show his teeth and and his eyes were narrowed in lust. He moved, just a little, just to make his body match the stuttering of his breath and Ianto looked up at him –

_There was the ominous sound of a door opening._

Jack looked up, eyes leaping first to the entrance to the Hub, which was closed, then across the counter. He stood there, staring, frozen, his fingers buried in Ianto's hair and then he realised the women who had entered couldn't see behind the counter. Muscle by muscle, he relaxed his face into some semblance of a smile and brought his hands up to rest them on the top of the counter. He could swear that he felt Ianto trying to smile around him. The idea made Jack want to moan. He resisted, and got away with a sudden deep breath while the interlopers looked around them at the shelves.

"Good day, ladies," he said loudly, hoping that Ianto would leave him be. Obviously, Ianto was having too much fun, because he just carried on. In fact, he seemed to double his efforts, and Jack leaned heavily against the desk. "How can I," he paused deliberately for Ianto's benefit, "help?"

"Oohh! An american! I say, Elsie! He's an american lad!" The first woman, who looked sixty-five if she was a day, exclaimed all of this to her friend in such a broad Yorkshire accent Jack thought for a moment about reviving Tommy for translation purposes. Her friend looked at least fifteen years older.

"Oh, good!" Elsie said, displaying a perfect set of white teeth that didn't belong in such a wrinkled face. She looked at Jack, but he couldn't be sure she actually saw him.

"Hello, love," the first woman said, addressing Jack directly this time. "Don't mind 'er. She's a bit..." A confidential look came over her face, and she nodded with a grimace. "Yer know..."

Below the desk, Ianto did something that made Jack's gaze fall out of focus alarmingly, and he paused before trusting himself to speak. "Aren't we all?"

"Now, then," she said warmly. "You're a long way away from home, aren't yer?"

Jack smiled, beginning to feel a little bemused and completely unable to do anything about it. "You could say that," he replied. Below the desk, Ianto's tongue did amazing things to him, and Jack swallowed.

"Well, we were just wonderin' like, 'cause we walked past and it said information outside. It this t'Tourist Office?" Ah! This was something he understood. Jack smiled happily and nodded.

"It is indeed," he replied, and then almost faltered, aware that Ianto was about to take him into his mouth again. "Yes, it is," he repeated, more deeply. "Yes..." He felt himself encased in the hot wet tightness of Ianto's mouth, and his smile was much too forced. "No..." he murmured to Ianto quietly, aware that he had to stop saying yes. But the old woman heard him, and fixed him with a sudden look of mistrust.

"Well? Is it or not?" she demanded. Jack sighed heavily, and closed his eyes for a moment, beginning to feel like a schoolboy.

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head.

"Right, love." Seemingly all was forgiven. Jack started to get slightly dizzy. "We're lookin' fer this place."

Apparently so was Ianto. Jack tried desperately to put that out of his mind. "I know lots of places," he said with certainty, completely unaware that he sounded as though he were flirting, sure that he could handle something as menial as a tourist enquiry. He had lived here for over fifty years on and off, after all. How hard could it be? Jack really tried to put that out of his mind as well.

"Ah, but this is a particular place," the woman warned him with a wink. Jack thought he might like her if he could have faced this without Ianto trying to undo him beneath the counter. Fingertips pressed upon him, further back, and he swallowed the moan, managing to utter nothing more than a quiet squeak which he passed off a sneeze by rubbing his nose with one hand.

"It certainly is," Jack said. He feared that he was now beginning to get that 'rabbit-caught-in-headlights' look, and he could count the number of times that had happened on one hand in all of his long years.

"What?" the woman asked, her voice sharp again. Jack shrugged innocently.

"I mean, yeah," he said. "What is it called?"

"Castle Cock," the woman said, clearly annunciating every vowel and consonant. Jack gulped.

"Excuse me," he said, sure that now it was worse, and his face was flushing a shade or two shy of crimson, "did you just say..?"

"Cock," the woman repeated. Beneath the desk, he felt suddenly cold, and then felt little puffs of warm breath on his wet flesh. Ianto was laughing – and it felt really, horribly good. Jack made a strange noise. "What's the matter wi' yer, lad?"

Jack didn't reply. He couldn't. Ianto had apparently decided to carry on the job with his hand while he got over his giggles. "Have you got somethin' in yer throat?"

"Errr..." Jack said helplessly, just as Ianto recovered and got back to it. The words he had prepared fled. All he could think about was Ianto's throat... and the something that was currently in it.

"Not to be rude, love. But do yer think you're really cut out for this tourist business?" The woman leaned closer to the counter, and looked quite sympathetic. "As an american, like?"

It was impossible to answer. Jack made a kind of encouraging gurgle. "Summer job, is it?" The woman asked, clearly not tired of not receiving a reply. Jack wondered if she even noticed.

The door was left slightly ajar, and outside, the winter wind howled. Perfect weather for period greatcoats. "Well, not really," he managed at last.

"Student, are yer?" she asked, a bit louder this time, as if he were deaf, nodding her head slightly in encouragement.

"I'm learning things," Jack said carefully, hoping Ianto heard him. "But I think you mean Castell Coch," he said, pronouncing the Welsh name properly. The woman beamed at him and then sighed at her own foolishness.

"Ahh... that's it!" She said, and then turned to her friend, who had spent all of this time wandering around the office and was now diligently studying the Hub's main door. "Elsie! He found it, love."

Elsie turned to him and smiled with those perfect teeth. Surely she could see Ianto and what he was doing from there, but she didn't seem to register any of it. "Oh, good," she beamed happily, and then tottered out to the main area of the office, the door apparently forgotten.

"I've got a leaflet somewhere," Jack said vaguely, his gaze drifting down disconsolately to where the leaflet was on the floor. Ianto passed it up to him, unseen, and Jack held it out to the woman, quite unable to take his eyes off Ianto. The leaflet was snatched from him.

"Right. Thanks, cock! See yer later!" Jack nodded, not looking up, hand still held out over the desk as the outer door opened and shut on the terrible weather leaving them alone. Had she just said it again?!

Around ten or fifteen minutes later, both of them were quite satisfied with themselves and each other. They shared a coffee in the back of the office, fully dressed, though Jack's gaze lingered on the photocopier. Finally, Ianto smiled.

"I was, erm, sort of embellishing the truth when I said this was a real Tourist Office," Ianto said quietly. "It has a yale lock. That tends to keep out all but the most persistent." He paused and frowned. "Although. One did get through once. Looked sort of lost. But then, you know – tourists. Kept asking about where to find Barrowman."

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"That's the weird thing," Ianto replied. "I don't know. I don't have a leaflet for it." Ianto continued to look slightly troubled. "And I have _all_ the leaflets," he said with an unhappy shake of his head.

"I've really got to confess something as well," Jack said with a sigh, wondering idly what it would take to get Ianto to play with the photocopier. "I didn't really press that button."

"I know you didn't, Sir." Ianto almost smiled again. "It actually _does_ lock the outer door."

**Author's Note:** It is completely acceptable to address someone else as "cock" in Yorkshire, particularly Doncaster.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Comments welcome. :)


End file.
